Let's Grow Up

My mother used to tell me a story about two sisters who loved each other dearly, but the story ended in tragedy. One sister stole the other’s radio. The owner of the radio went to a sangoma to put a curse on the “thief” – not realizing that it is her own precious sister. When her sister fell ill, the curse could not be reversed and she died.

Of course this created a great split between the two families – the one side believing that their sister was murdered and the other thinking that a thief got her just reward. The feuding continues to this day and nothing remains of the sisters’ once inseparable closeness.

For me it drove home the point that vengeful or intentionally harmful actions can escalate into a life-and-death situation. Each time I had to make a decision or take action, I would literally think. “What if someone I love dies?” I have clearly always been a drama queen! Despite my melodramatics, I definitely learned the lesson of consequences.

For every action there is a reaction, whether it is in science or everyday life.  Part of being an adult is taking responsibility for our actions and dealing with the consequences - even when it was unintentional or by accident. Unfortunately, many times instead of facing up to the consequences our actions, we pass the buck and look for someone else to take the blame.

When matric results are disappointing, the teachers who lack a culture for teaching blame the pupils, while the pupils who lack a culture of learning, blame the teachers. Everyone is forever trying to shift the blame, rather than putting their heads together and coming up with a joint solution to a problem that has been jointly created.

Many people believe that the Truth and Reconciliation Commission (TRC) achieved nothing. Many because people had to be forced by the TRC to face up to the consequence of their actions as they continued to deny any wrongdoing. Admitting to mistakes and apologizing for it, is a much more endearing characteristic than obstinate denials. 

Owning up to your mistakes in seldom pleasant, but it’s part of the growing up process. When we grow up, let us show our children that they can say, “I broke the cookie jar, I stole the sugar, I lied and stayed out all night with my friends drinking, I did not study, I cheated on my boyfriend. I am sorry; I take full responsibility for the consequences of my actions.” Let’s grow up.